From The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner's Dilemma.
By Trenton Lee Stewart
Why I Find Green Plaid So Annoying, and What I Intend to Do About It: An Explanation of My Heroic Actions.
For one thing, plaids so hideous, a pattern cooked up
By dimwit designers who must have been mad.
It's also perfidious(a word I looked up -
It means lots of different things, all of them bad).
Why, it's nothing but lines! Lines and more lines!
Not one single curve! Not one polka dot!
What monstrous minds could have called these designs?
They ought to be caught and tied up on the spot!
But worse, even worse, is the fact that it's green,
The color you turn when you've eaten a bug,
And of all gross and nasty things I've ever see,
Like pond scum and slime molds, or the horrible slug
All covered with fungus out in the backyard
That I saw Tuesday night right before I got sick.
No matter how hard I have tried(I've tried hard)
I've never seen green things without thinking "Ick!"
So what can I do? There isn't much for it
If I'm to get to rid of this hideous sight:
If green plaid I hate (and I do, I abhor it)
Then action is called for! A battle! A fight!
I must free the man who so long has been held
Behind prison fences (that crisscrossing plaid)!
Long covered by so much grass-green it's a veld!
I must save this man who will soon be my dad@
(For if he's my dad, then with him I'll be seen!
So away with this plaid, and good day to this green!)
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